Friday, September 9, 2011

Hurry up and wait!

Yes, it has been 14 months since last I posted. No apologies; no excuses (at least none that I will give voice to). Moving on!

I will recap a bit, though: Riley is 15 months old, and absolutely breathtaking! She's in a really fun stage where everything is exciting, other kids are fascinating, and eating dirt is par for the course. She got her first skinned knee this past weekend, and thus has officially crossed the threshold into childhood from baby-hood. She's also about to be a big sister. That's right folks, "baby Riley" is going to be "big sister Riley" in a matter of days to baby Avery. And, no, you might not see another blog post from me for another year and a half... but I'll try... and hope for partial credit for good intentions.

But my real reason for posting is the need to purge the simultaneous feelings of restlessness and gratefulness in which I'm finding myself. Why restless? Avery is due on September 11th (I know, I know... but that's another blog post) Well, for any of you who might be counting, pregnancy is 40 weeks long. 40. That's a really long time. Longer than 9 months, if I might point that out. And while there are a lot of women who relish the pregnancy experience, marvel at the changes, and feel "all glowy"... I'm not that girl. I understand the necessity of it, and I can look to the promise of the end result and be excited for our family to grow, but I'm not in any state of pregnancy nirvana, for sure. (Nevermind the fact that I've already made 3 trips to the restroom since starting this post.)

And why grateful? Well, other than the obvious reasons, I'm finding myself pretty regularly coming across stories reminding me that despite my very real desire to not be pregnant anymore, right now Avery is in the best, safest, and healthiest place she'll ever be. Taking the best possible care of her probably means allowing her staying right where she is for as long as she needs to be there. While this could easily spin into an "anti-overly medicalized birth process" post, I will refrain, and instead share two stories with you:

Meet Kate. Kate is a beautiful, smart, and compassionate first grader. But I only know this via her CaringBridge site. I've never met her, but I love this little girl. Each new post by her mom, Holly, brings me to tears as I read, pray, and walk the journey of pediatric brain cancer with this sweet family. I always find myself holding Riley just a little bit longer at night after a new post by Holly, both thanking the Lord for her health and begging him to continue protecting her little body. I urge you to read Kate's story and join us, literally thousands around the world, in pleading for her health and protection.

Meet Joshua. Joshua was born early this month with a chromosomal abnormality, and passed away about 24 hours after getting to meet his family. This certainly puts my frustration and impatience with pregnancy into perspective. Joshua's mom went through all the same rigors of pregnancy, discomfort, and labor that I am facing - and all to spend 24 hours with her sweet boy. Worth it all? Absolutely.

And so I will wait. I'll wait today, and I'll wait tomorrow. I'll wait beyond my due date and give her all the time she needs to grow healthy and strong. And when she's ready, we'll meet her and I'll keep right on doing all I can to keep her safe and healthy. For now, the best thing I can do for her is wait.